The woman at the deli counter

The woman in Jewel

So I am not delusional or crazy, just let that be clear. I have mood issues, but I am not delusional. Anyway, the people that intersected my life were in fact in my group therapy sessions. I am sorry that things did not go as planned. I wonder how they knew I was in group therapy though. What was involved, how many people were involved to make that happen at that clinic area. Aren’t there HIPPA laws on medical and psych issues with people? I know why they were there. I wish I would have acted more normal. It hurt my feelings when the one guy said “We are done” . I did not even do anything. Very sensitive people.  So that lady at the Jewel deli counter. She was connected to that group at my group therapy. She struck up a conversation with me, I turned to put my groceries in my shopping cart. I quietly walked away. What would have happened had I turned back to her and continued to talk to her? I will never know. I do wish I turned back to her and continued to talk to her. I am kicking myself still for doing that. Hope no one’s feelings were hurt too bad if I did not turn back to her.

I continue to punish myself

I am lucky I have my elderly parents. I try to help them and be a good son. I think I am a fairly good person. I watch TV and see how many really bad people are out there in the country and the world. I suppose I am one of the good ones. I really wish I knew the people and the what and how and where that was going on in my life in the past. I know these people were at stores and around me. It makes me feel kinda odd. It’s mainly a case of a group of people may know about me,  but I don’t know about them. As far as I know, I only have 5 friends in the world. I don’t know anyone else really. Are there people out in the world, that despise me, wish me harm? Or are there people out in the world that would be friends with me?

Things are how they are

Whatever happened between me and these people or this group, I honestly have no idea. I am just one person. Son of a bricklayer from Germany. Blue collar family from the South Suburbs of Chicago. What do I know? Ill be going to my local library every Friday morning to attempt to be a public space. I am hoping that “my one true friend” will maybe reach out to me there. Sorry I missed the meeting at the deli counter.  I am a little obsessed about this since it was said to me clearly and face to face. We shall see. I am hoping that certain people are not super sensitive about misunderstandings. Obviously, I can’t make certain people do anything. I never could. I am sure since they knew where I was at certain times, they would know about this website. Maybe I am out of sight out of mind with these people. I have no idea. I actually should get out of the house a little more. I don’t want to grow up to be a shut in. So Friday mornings Ill be at the library. meh