The people on TV are not normal

These people are not normal

I keep up with major events. Recent movies, sports stars, criminals, bad politicians etc… etc… Celebrities. These people are not normal and are not living in normal lives. All except the criminals are very lucky people and should bless everything that they are in the positions they are in. I think Bill Murray once said something about Social Media. I am not going to quote him exactly, but he said something along the lines of…. that you should not compare your life with the lives of others online. Its not fair to you. I  often compare my life with the lives of others I see on TV. It’s not fair to me. I probably accomplished certain things in my life. I know I am a good son and good family members. I think I am decent, loyal and have a set of ethical codes. I have compassion, I think about others. I have a degree of humility. I think because of my Bi-Polar diagnosis I am in touch with my and other people’s mental health and states. I understand many mental health concepts. I try to correct myself when I feel that I am not comfortable with my mental state.

I wish my life was a tad more exciting

I suppose I wish my life ended up being a little more exciting. My past had a few strange and highly exciting and scary events. Maybe had I made different choices in the past, my life now would be more exciting. I was probably scared to make different choices in the past and I was scared to reach out of my comfort zone. So I kinda stuck myself in an endless loop that led back to the family. To my mom, dad and sister. I may have sabotaged my life into being a boring life. Stuck in one place, seeing everyone else get to explore and see other lands and places. It kinda hurts seeing others enrich themselves with travel, and I am stuck at my parents house. But I made these choices and stuck I remain. I should not really take this kind of attitude to being with my parents. They are very loving people who still love me. I still have them in their elderly years. I am very grateful and thankful that I still have both of them. So I guess my job right now is to remain with these two lovely people who loved me from a child and still love me as an adult. I have to try and repay them. I never will be able to, but I have to try. I have an important job right now. I have to take care of these two people.

Maybe I was not ready for things of my past

I maybe have brushed up against certain people or a group of people in my past. Maybe repeatedly. I suppose maybe I was not ready for their friendship. It would pain me greatly if I had brushed up against someone and I ruined the relationship with my behavior or attitude. Maybe I was simply not ready or in the right mindset to be a friend of certain people. So I suppose I don’t have certain friends.  Maybe one day I could be in the right frame of mind and comfortable enough with myself to step out of my comfort zone and be a friend to certain people that may have tried to reach out to me in the past. I am 53 so if I live to be 100 I am in my half time of my life. My time is running out and I foolishly wasted time in my past. I still have a bit of time left. Most importantly, I still have my parents. Which are my main focus.