Questions

From my past, I have questions

I have always  been a bit abnormal. Going back to grade school. I was teased by my peers for being a little odd. The questions I have come from the years after college. I know that my life has been intersected by groups of people. It’s hard for me to explain and I have no one to talk to about these people and events. I am sure these groups made up bad rumors about me, and tried to get me in trouble with certain entities in the US. All because this influential groups of people knew of me, and mis understood me maybe?

They tried to reach out

Over the years, they first were harassing me at places. Then they were present at my group therapy sessions and they were reaching out to me. Unfortunately, I was not super receptive at the group therapy meetings. I do want to apologize about that. I was a tad intimidated. I probably did what I do  best, sabotaged myself. I have been sabotaging myself when I have been close to being successful.  Always when  I am about to make one good stride forward, I do sabotage myself. This is probably why I am writing these very words from my parents basement.  I will start going to my local library on Friday mornings. I would like to meet “my true friend”. Maybe “my one true friend” is reading this, and will meet me at my local library on a Friday morning. Maybe I am asking for too much after all these events? I am a pretty decent person, if people get to know me face to face. I just self sabotage myself. Maybe I have no confidence.

My one true friend

Not a delusion. Someone said that to my face in person. I think my one true friend is a female. I think. From the things I have heard etc. Even though I missed my chance of meeting “my one true friend” I hope that she will still think fondly of me and maybe one day I can have that bit of information understood by me. It just has been kinda nagging me abit. A lot of things are a mystery to me. I would elaborate more, but first off I can’t explain certain things. I really don’t know who to talk to about certain events. I goto stores and think that they will be there. I have to stop doing that. It’s a strange behavior .