My whole life I have been picked on
I grew up as a naive person. I never was a bully towards anyone, but was always in some way the victim of bullying and psychological harassment. It was not fair that I was harassed by a group of people that were stronger than me. They changed my life for the worse, they changed me. I was made to feel bad about myself. The damage to my mind has been done.
Junior high
When I was a kid, I was harassed by classmates. I was the weaker one in the classroom and people caused me lots of mental issues. Back then the teasing was childish and not sinister and directed. That teasing set up my life for further harassment later in life.
High School
In high school, the teasing was not so directed. I was a student that was in a fringe group of people in school. I hung out with the misfits more or less.
College
I went to Northern Illinois University in the 90s. When I first arrived on campus I toured the campus and dorms. I toured the 12 story dorms and was not happy about living in such a high building. I found out about the FLRP (Foreign Languages Residence Program). Since my parents were German and I knew how to speak in German, I decided to join FLRP. FLRP lived in Douglas Hall, which was a tree story dorm structure. I wanted to live in a lower structure. In college, what my peers did to me really fucked me up. It was clear, directed group effort to harass and annoy me. I wanted to either die or quit college. It was not fair to do that to me. Ever since college I have been a lighting rod of psychological harassment by various people.
What happened in college?
I was a good looking guy back in the day. College chicks would approach me and want to go do things with me. Go places etc… Drinking was part of the college experience. One night I was intoxicated and was in a girls dorm room with other people. I accidently fell on this girl that was sitting on her bed. That was it, I did not grab at her, I simply fell on her. She looked startled and I got off off of her. I went to my dorm room. She lived on the second floor with the Spanish group. The next day I go up to apologize to her, just incase she was upset. I go up to the second floor and see all these “Stop rape” flyers posted all over the halls in the the second floor of the dorm. I knew they were for me. So the people who were in the dorm with us when I fell on her were trying to accuse me of rape. I was raised by kind, German parents, I would in no way rape anyone. But my peers at NIU were falsely accusing me of rape. It was horrible.
So since I was in their sights and being falsely accused of rape, there was this student that was head of the German group her name was Britta. She was a psych major. She was the one that started this psych campaign against me at the dorm and around campus. I girl I fell on accepted my apology BTW , so I thought that issue was put to rest. However Britta directed her friends and peer to touch their nose when they saw me. I know that sounds silly, but they were very organized and had a group of people doing it to me. I was invited out to a bar one night, and got the the bar when I put my beer up to my lips, everyone in the bar touched their noses. I almost lost my mind. It was so odd. My paranoia came out in my college years at NIU. I became very paranoid and withdrawn. I think that certain psych students saw heard of this and tried to help bring me out of my paranoia. I changed at NIU for the worse. These peers at college also targeted a larger college girl, they stuck all her underwear in water and crammed them in her freezer. These twenty somethings were fucking mean people. I was glad to get away from NIU after barely graduating. I was upset at being falsely accused of something so serious at rape. The whole situation was mean and unfair.
Harassment after college.
After college a group of very sophisticated people were playing psychological tricks on me. I am not sure if I should talk about those people.
More of my story to come. I am finally talking about my story after all these years and I have suppressed, or tried to suppress what people did to me mentally. I feel that I have to tell my story and write it all out. I feel like I am holding these bad secretes