Payback

The fragility of life

I have two very loving and good parents. Their love and caring has gotten me to where I am today. At 53 years old, they are still here for me. I am here for them. I have urges to leave at times and see new things and meet new people, however they cared for me my whole life. I have to stay with them and help care for them in their elderly years. I have to try and pay them back for all the things they have done and are still doing for me. I think that now that I am older and see my parents struggle at tasks that they used to do with no problems, I see the fragility of life. I think it makes me a better and more compassionate person. I am thankful for this education and it does help me in day to day life. I understand other people a little better even though at times other people don’t treat me in such a nice way. I am able to say that its not the other person, but their actions that I don’t like. As I watch the evening news each night, I wish that more younger people and people considering doing other people harm would realize how fragile life is and not take it for granted.

As a non violent person

I never was a bully or really mean or was aggressive towards other people in my life. I was mainly picked on if anything my whole life. Watching the news each day, I see the ugly that others commit. It upsets me that even though I am just keeping myself informed  by watching the news and keeping up with current events, in between useful news stories there is always a story of rape, or murder etc… I really don’t know these people that commit murder or rape, and I really don’t want to know what they do or how they do or did it. I do try to limit my exposure to news. I am not sure what would drive a person to murder or rape or doing whatever that was against the law or immoral.

Grateful for simple things

If I could talk to people that are about to commit bad things, I would say “Listen, you have good eyesight, you can walk and you have all your body parts, be grateful”.  Its simple gratefulness. I do this little exercise when I am feeling down. I know that certain people out there tried to upset me by playing very sophisticated games on me off and on in my life since at least the year 2000. I wanted to lash out at anyone. I did not know who to lash out at. I never did. When I think about those people teasing me and trying to upset me, I think how grateful I am to have near perfect eyesight and my ability to walk and talk and understand myself and others.