Learning to be myself

Learning to  be myself

Because of events in my past, I suppose I do kind of alter how I act around people I meet. I am not sure why I do this, I have been in some very strange events. Maybe I didn’t like myself or was not satisfied with myself? I often sabotage things that will get me ahead. I think the core thing with me is my looks. I am not confident in how I look so because of my looks and also past strange events, I have kept myself out of social situations. Growing up, I was so social. Then again, I was in my twenties and many pounds lighter and had all my hair. At 51, and 100lbs gained, I think I am starting to kinda like myself again. I want to be more confident and establish better boundaries in life. I suppose I have certain codes or ethics that I do have in my core. (Thanks mom and dad). I just sabotage myself at critical moments.

I will have lots on my plate

I am at a time when my parents are beginning to weaken. I have to start acting like a normal fucking person and be strong so that I can help my parents out. I want to do so many things and I am always conscience that time is factor. I am in my 50s, and still mobile and young enough to travel and see things. However, I do have to stay stationary with my parents and help them. It causes me frustration. When its all said and done, I don’t want to be accused by family members that I was not here for my mom and dad. So I remain stagnant.

I will be getting out of the house

Instead of being cooped up in the basement computer room, I will be exercising my little weekly field trips out of the house. I am simply going to be me and be at ease with being me.