Hell night

I woke up feeling empty

It started yesterday when my sister brought her laptop to me to change her battery. She had the laptop for years and during usage the battery stops to charge. I needed to know what exact battery was in the laptop. I needed to see the model numbers. To do this, I had to take off the back panel. Ive taken laptops apart  before. This time I unscrewed the screws from the back panel. The hinge got broken somehow. So that was a cluster fuck. I had to keep the laptop over night. Lots of complaints from her. That simple set me off.

I knew of mysterious people in my life

Every since the last one of these mysterious people actually reached out to me in the attempt to be friends, I blew my chances. Now they think I am snubbing them. Its not true. I did want to know the who and what and have a face to face meet. Anyway I was not ready for the whole meet thing. I have been making myself miserable and putting myself in mental and physical pain ever since messing things up once again.

I wanted to die last night

I made myself feel so bad mentally and physically, I wanted to die in bed. I first took two sleeping pills  because I wanted to really get some sleep. I had to get up to pee so going to bed, I took two more. I had a hellish nightmare last night. I was sweating in bed. I woke up cold and empty. I felt so fragile this morning. I could not stand to stay in bed anymore I would have come up with more mental gymnastics to hurt myself with.

I have to let this go

I once was in an awkward position with a group of people. End of fucking story. I missed my chance and now that time is over. I never really did anything bad to these people.