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What am I to think?

Me and this group

So Christmas is past. Thank God. Now we only have to concentrate on New Years Eve. Then after that the next event is Easter. We in Chicago only have maybe two months bitter cold weather. Then we can concentrate on Spring. I always like to try and fast forward past the Winter months. I rather be too hot than too cold. So as I sit in my basement computer room, just thinking about “certain people” that I may have crossed paths with in my life. I missed my chances many times for face time with any of them. It was mainly either stupid moves on my part or me not doing anything.  I suppose in certain aspects in life, I am pretty stupid or clueless. I am one of the most loyal and good people around. I know my boundaries with people. I am not sure if anything legal and negative was done to me or my family. Or attempted. I am thinking some how a three letter agency was some how involved and steered towards my direction. I really did nothing, and that may have upset me. However I am not a person to “go after” anyone. I feel that I have always had a diplomatic kinda personality. I do let things go. Over the years I have my memories of certain things that went on, but now those details have faded. What would I honestly say about what went on with me and others? People would think I was crazy. I am not going to say anything to anyone about aspects of my past. I don’t have the energy to do it. I am wondering though if my life was in danger at one point? I am sure threats were being made in my direction by who knows. I think some of this group maybe hates me, others  are sympathetic towards me.

I really would like a face to face

I really would want a face to face with some people of the group. I know I had my chances and they did reach out to me. I am aware they did exert effort in that. I am also grateful for those times. If they wanted me to go with them last time out of Ingalls, I was thinking of my parents. I was unsure about leaving my parents behind. That’s why I did not react to events. My parents do depend on me around the house. They are elderly. I love them too. More than anything. That was the main reason why I did not react to the “certain people’s” outreach. I will be going back to Ingalls group eventually. I hope that the same thing can be arranged as before over there. I do suspect that these “certain people” were at Ingalls at least twice before when I was there. I promise if me and people of those “certain people” were at Ingalls at the same time in the future, I would be  overwhelmingly friendly and engaging. I really want to make a connection with these “certain people”. I won’t pull back the next time. I sit in this basement computer room and blindly type my thoughts out on my website. Hoping that “certain people” are still checking in on me and this site from time to time. I don’t reveal too much and never will about these events.

Ill be in my general area

I really don’t have anywhere to go so I will be in my general area. I try to get out to my local library a few mornings out of the week. I still goto that deli and those same stores. Maybe I am pushing my luck and they have moved on? I am sure the staff at Ingalls must know a thing or two. Eventually Ill get back to group at Ingalls. I won’t pull away then. There are lots of bad people out there in the world that would go after “certain people”. I am one of the good ones, one of the decent ones. Noone has to worry about me. I have my code of ethics, my boundaries.

Chris Trott

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