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Pre Christmas recap

Looking back

It’s a day before Christmas Eve. My parents have the menu planned for our holiday. We are having ham. Pretty simple for my dad to cook. I just picked up a cake from our local bakery at 6am today. It’s for cake and coffee with my sister and her boy friend after our meal on Christmas Eve. Growing up we always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve evening. Looking back in my life, I could have had some major opportunities making face to face friends with some really nice people in the US. However through inaction on my part, I let those events slip past me. They gave me multiple chances and I pissed them all away. I suppose I could have been networking with some “big” people. I am not sure if I will get any other chance to network with people like these again. Maybe I will. I was not being rude to these people, I simply could not leave my parents at this time. These people were present at my sessions at Ingalls. I know this. Eventually I will go back to group sessions at Ingalls and maybe they will get wind of me going and will be sitting in with some of their people. I am sure they were there in two occasions. I think they were concerned that  I may say something about events of my past on social media. I won’t say anything. I would much rather meet certain people face to face in a friendly and comfortable setting than make enemies. I honestly don’t want any friction between me and these people. I am not angry or anything. I am a bit confused and I do have this strange mystery in my past hanging over my head. It seems like a group of people know about and know who I am, but I don’t know who they are.  Maybe one day one of them will reveal themselves to me and we can be friends. I was not being rude I simply was confused and my face to face confidence is not the best. I do lack confidence. One of my main issues that have kept me from being successful.

Looking forward

I waited 5 years for my Social Security SSID to be granted to me. I now am in the last weeks (hopefully) before my last decision if I will get my SSID or not. The more recent judge was a bit mean to me. I think the whole Social Security system is slow and not the best people are in these positions. Social Security is my money. I paid into the system since 1988. I just want my SSID early. The government has no problem taking money out of your pay check, but when it comes time to get your money back, they make it very hard and a long process to get any money back. I put my life on hold for this decision which should come in a few weeks.  I should get it if there was any fairness in the system.  Getting my SSID would be helpful to me. Because of my past I deserve much much more money in my life.  I have a feeling I may get much more in the future, I hope that I am not wrong.

The New Year

What I want in the New Year is that my parents are both healthy and happy. They they remain mobile. I love them the most and no amount of money can replace them. I would like to travel out to Utah to see a lady friend of mine. I met her on Twitter. She invited me to stay with her a bit and visit with her out in Utah. Once in Utah, I plan on traveling into the deserts of California and other states and photograph various places. I will be updating this website with those photos. I have given up on finding galleries to showcase my photography at. For me I am awkward socially. So it’s hard for me to network and make friends. If I find a group of people that are engaging and would enjoy my conversation and presence, I would join a group. I would like to be more social in the future.

Chris Trott

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