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It’s a shame

My life is passing me by

I feel dead. I am depressed most of the days. I manage to shower and take my meds every day. I have all these skills with photography, graphic design and web design. I never could find a good employer. So I gave up on that. I have not taken new photos in over three years. Lost the eagerness to get out of  the house and explore. Most very old people will tell you that keeping curious kept them alive. I feel dead. I don’t think I have anymore curiosity in my body.

I fear the future

When I think of the future, or the unknown, I think of something bad or something to fear. I suppose I should think of it as maybe another opportunity may come  my way. Currently unemployed and living with the parents. No funds to go anywhere or do anything interesting. I do help my parents out at the house though. I think this is where I am needed the most. Where I should be. However I may have had an opportunity in my recent past, that may have changed to course of my life for the  better. That one millisecond and I chose to ignore that chance. So here I sit in my parents basement. I am the stereotypical 300lbs man living in the parents basement. I sit here in the computer room and type this for anyone to read.

Ill try again tomorrow

Ill try again to get out and to art galleries. I want to present my photography to people that own galleries. For the sake of just getting out of the house and away from the computer. Just to meet new people, to talk to them. I really wish I could gain more exposure from major people. Major people…..pfft. what does that exactly mean? I am a small person, hardly noticeable it seems.


I do get jealous of those “big” people. What they are able to do in their lives. The places they get to go, the things they own. It’s one of my character flaws. I would never do anything illegal to get the type of wealth that certain big people have. I guess at the end of the day, I still have my values and a set of ethics to go by.

Chris Trott

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