Inaction

Passive during events

Just having a flash back to certain events in my past. I knew something unusual was happening to or possibly for me. I felt their presence. Around my town, in the stores. Something was going on, I just could not determine if it was good or bad. Ill be quite honest, I was frightened and a little freaked out. I maybe the only person this has happened to on Earth. I was a bit scared and intimidated. I suppose that’s why I never acted on anything during the events. It is what it is now, I find myself again on the outside trying to look in. I caught or felt a glimpse of it and it’s hard for me to go back to normal and forget what I felt and thought I saw.

I suppose I was more concerned than anything

I suppose the matter was concerning for me. The events from my travels to Sydney and  back, and Seattle ( the first time) and back. Ciudad Juárez was a bad trip. That trip put a few mental scars on me. Really bad situation I put myself in. A few things stick to me from that trip. Anyway, my life was altered. I stopped trying to remember the details. Details do somehow spring up on me from deep memory. It’s something I will deal with. Strange long story.

I guess I am the outside man now

I guess I am alone and the outside man now. Maybe this is for the best. I can’t damage anything now. Ah, I am not really as destructive as some people may think. I am more of an idiot than destructive. I think of myself in certain situations as a chimpanzee with an assault rifle. Not understanding what I have in my hands. I suppose I am outside now. I  should be concentrating on my elderly parents right now anyway. One reason why I could not venture off anywhere with anyone. I would have loved to go somewhere, but because of my inaction in an event, I may have offended the person reaching out. I am torn though. I am 52 years old and I feel that my days of mobility and even life are numbered. I am stuck at the parents, but I love my parents too. When I was younger I was always up for an adventure. To see new places and meet new people. That part of my life has been cut off, but I have my parents that I love and I should cherish the time with them. I suppose I am mad at myself the most.