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I probably missed my chance

I suppose I missed my chance

A group of people were in my life it seems. I don’t know the full details on this. I suppose when I did not turn back to talk to the lady at the Jewel’s deli counter, that they gave up on reaching out to me. I am sure it took some effort to locate me at that time and have a person there. I missed my chance when I did not turn back to talk to that lady. I was not  being rude, I simply got nervous. I wish I would have engaged that lady further. Who knows what I may have found out. Instead, I find myself with my parents and no other outside people in my life. Maybe its best this way. Maybe I was not ready to meet “my one true friend”? Since I am 51, I suppose I still have 40 more years to be in North America and maybe bump into certain people on my own? I have no idea where I should be to accomplish this.  I suppose I will spend time at the Lansing library. It’s a quiet, discreet and safe place. I suppose every Friday  I could spend a few hours in the morning there.

I am not going back to group therapy

I am not going back to group therapy at Ingalls. This is where I was closest to meeting “my one true friend” and others. Again, maybe I did not deserve meeting them in the first place? I suppose it was a little awkward, but I am not complaining. They did make the effort to reach out to me. That is what I will remember. I just wonder how they knew I was  going to be in group therapy? What kind of inside knowledge did they have? If I am in therapy it should be part of HIPPA regulations, right? I suppose that is what I found awkward in that approach. Again, not complaining, I was and am really grateful at the attempt. I was simply not behaving normally. As I normally do.

I do have to take care of the parents

Also in addition, I really can’t go anywhere as I would have liked to. Or committed myself to something else. My parents are elderly. Both in their 80s. I have to reciprocate and take care of them in their old age. I really can’t go anywhere, as much as I would love to go out West or another country. I do want to explore and photograph my travels. At 51 I am worried about time. I hope something comes up where I am able to travel while I still have my eye sight and mobility. I would need a vehicle that would allow me to travel. A group? Travel partners? Currently I am broke. I have no funds to travel. So I spend time in the basement computer room, writing all these blog posts on my past and my dreams. I have to stay in Lansing for now and take care of the parents. I would be grateful if the people who reached to me at Ingalls and in my past, would reach out to me again in my area somehow. I may be asking too much since I did not respond to the lady at Jewel. I suppose I will be keeping my eyes open and hoping someone that knows what was  going on, is reading this any my past blog posts on this website.

Chris Trott

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