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I have been nocturnal for two years

Being nocturnal for over two years

For the last over two years (before the pandemic and people stayed at home), I have been nocturnal for two years.  I am lucky to sleep 4 hours. This all started when I had this foul job at Amazon. When working at an Amazon Fulfillment Center. It was the most depressing, obsessive, slave labor camp position I have every had. I worked nights there, and our lunch time was 3am. Those poor people. Ordering and shopping from Amazon is enjoyable, many people like to, but after ordering, also think about those people that have to do continuous, repetitive movements for 10 hours straight. During the Christmas season, 12 hours straight. I sweated buckets the entire 10 hour shift.  So my sleeping during the day started while I worked at Amazon.

Serious issues

Ill be honest, I have had serious mental issues for over two years. I thought of highly negative things about myself, and maybe not being around. My new mental health diagnosis is GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My anxiety is pretty bad and it basically shuts me down mentally and physically. Thankfully I live at home with the parents, so I don’t have to worry about rent. Getting back into the work force? I can’t function.  So anyway, I sleep during the days. Its a shame too, its summer now and its sunny and nice out.

Mornings are bad for me

Mornings are simply really bad for me. I am nauseous, I work myself up into a frenzy. Eventually I can sleep. I sleep during the day and am more mellow at night. Yesterday was nice, I went grocery shopping at 9pm. It was nice getting out in the warm, night air. Driving to the store with my car windows open. The store was not crowded with people. I never liked crowds, and I get panic attacks when  I am in them. Especially at stores. So I like to go to stores when  I feel they are not fully populated.

Being normal again

Eventually I would like to be like a normal person again, and remain up during the day with no crippling anxiety. Its hard though. I simply don’t want to be awake during the day. Thankfully I have not turned to “self medication” with alcohol. I stay busy at my computer, in the basement computer room. In the dark. I work on my websites, rework older photos that I have taken. For now, sleeping nights is not possible for me.

Taking new photos

Taking new photos I want to do. However I have gained a new fear. Going to the city (Chicago) getting caught up in some unpleasant situation. When the protests were going on in the city,  I stayed away. I did not want to get caught up in violent mobs. The Black Lives protests were in fact peaceful. I do support the Black Lives Matter protests. Just it was unfortunate that they were “hijacked by looters and vandals.

Stayed away from the city

I’ve stayed away from Chicago though. I recently went downtown at night maybe a few weeks ago. I took my drone over there, flew it along the lake front, got a few nice panoramas. I felt very unsafe. People were driving very crazy. Also, while walking to the Adler Planetarium,  I noticed many people on the grass, relaxing. many had bags with them. I could not help worrying how many people may have been packing. I was thinking just how many people had concealed carry.

Not safe in Chicago

Back in the day I used to walk all over Chicago, even the rough areas. if  I go downtown, I stay in the Magnificent Mile. Even there, now a days you risk getting a cap popped into you. Dunno bad times. So rather than fight laying in bed last night, I stayed up and worked on my websites. I was being productive.

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