I feel like a loser

I missed every opportunity

In my past, I missed every substantial opportunity that came across my way. I feel bad that I never acted on any event that could have turned out well for me. At 53 years old, I don’t think I will have the same opportunities that I had at one time. I think I never acted when I could have because of fear. I was pretty much afraid and was worried about moving out of my comfort zone. I could have made face to face  friends with certain people. I feel that I accidently pushed certain people away from me. I never acted on past events because I was concerned and I was pretty much scared and not confident in myself to meet certain people. I am sure certain people know who I am and what past events I went through. I live out in the open in my local area. I also am trying to make myself available for three hours in the morning on Friday mornings at the Lansing, Illinois public library.  I am hoping that certain people check in on my website (this website). I am eager to meet certain people. They did try to reach out to me the last time out of friendship. I was explained by someone that “Your one true friend will find you”. That was at Ingalls group sessions. I hope “my one true friend” will give me one more chance. I feel kinda like a loser sitting at the library by myself on Friday morning. I was not sure how they were tracking me before, I thought it was impressive how they were doing it. I really would like to meet face to face and possibly hang out with certain people. I keep writing about my past events with certain people over and over on this website in the hopes that one or more of “certain people” will be checking in on my website. I know I may sound weak or stupid for waiting for someone to reach out to me, but I don’t know what else to do with myself. I do try to get out and actually just meet new people. I suppose this is why I goto the library on Friday morning. Just to  be around different people. I don’t have any other ideas as to network or meet people face to face. So I am currently just going to the library.