Happy Birthday to me

Another year older

I turned 53 today. I am getting old. I feel I am running out of time to do things I want to do. I want to travel and photograph new places and things. Right now I am stuck. I live with my parents. I try to help them out in their older years and I try to be a reasonable good son. Looking back on my life, I feel I missed out on lots of things that normal people have gone through and experienced. I was never married, I never owned my own home. For a long time I was in pain looking for a nice woman. I was so lonely and wanted to  be with someone so bad. Now at 53, I have given up on that. Ill probably be alone and eventually fade away by myself.  There are times at night I feel alone. I do have my elderly parents and my sister still. My parents are full of love for me. I love them greatly too. At least I have loving parents and a loving sister. Solid nuclear family.

People were in my life

Off and on since the year 2000 I have had outside strangers looking in on me in my life. For awhile I was kinda concerned and even scared. I think I managed to push all those people away from me through my inaction in certain events that were in my past. I think they really were concerned for me now that I look back. I hope that I am on good terms with these people and I hope one day they may reach out again to me in my area. I know somehow they were  at my group therapy sessions at Ingalls Hospital in Harvey Illinois. I think representatives of these “big people” were sitting in on my sessions and trying to get close to me for a face to face meeting. I  was a bit concerned and did not act on any chance to get a face to face meeting. I really feel bad about that and wish I could get another chance. However I can’t force anything to happen. I may go back to group therapy and maybe I will see a therapist that was there before when these people were present. Maybe they can get word to certain people that I am more confident in a face to face. These events have been happening to me off and on for years and finally getting a face to face meeting would put some closure to many frustrating events in my past.

My wishes for my birthday

When I blew out the single candle this morning that my mom and dad lit for me at the kitchen table, I made a wish. Actually I made two wishes. My first wish was that my mother and father will be with me for some time to come and they will be happy and healthy. My second wish would be that my “one true friend” would try again to reach out to me either in my home area or at Ingalls group therapy. I really want to meet this person. It would mean a great deal to me. I am humble that “my one true friend” made the effort to reach out to me in the first place. I hope that “my one true friend” will visit this website and read my words.