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Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Bi-Polar and Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Diagnosed with Bi-Polar 1 over a decade ago I have been seeing a psychiatrist since 2003 or so.  Bi-Polar disorder is a mental disorder that effects million of Americans.  In 2021, my diagnosis also included GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have seen various therapists over the years. Normally I don’t see a therapist regularly because there is really not much to say. You should not  waste your time or the therapist’s time. Anyway, my work history has been spotty. Its not that my attitude makes it hard for me to get  along with co-workers, but rather I try to become my co-worker’s friend. That behavior has always backfired on me. What happens is I divulge too much personal information about myself. At first I talk just because I am nervous and want to make the workplace more pleasant and friendly. However places that I worked, these people are not too friendly and are there not to be your friends.

Working at Life Source

When working at this  blood bank, I liked the job. It was an important job. It was a good feeling being responsible enough to deliver many hospitals blood units and blood products. However this blood bank was a Chicago area blood bank, and many people were ghetto people. Cut throat people that simply used your personal information and stabbed you in the back with it. Used your information against you, started very damaging rumors to management about you, your job performance etc…people made up pretty damaging rumors about me at this place called Life Source Blood Centers.

Internal investigation

So this “investigation” led to people ghosting me to the hospitals that were on Life Source’s route.. Keep in mind, this job for me was fairly enjoyable. The job at Life Source was enjoyable because it allowed me to pop in and out hospitals all around the city of Chicago and I was unsupervised most of the day. So people were following me to hospitals and were even in the blood banks before I got there. It was unnerving. I decided to do my job the best I could, and when I heard the “investigation ” ended . I had a nervous break down and resigned immediately. I had had enough!

Ever since, I have not had a decent job since. One with healthcare and benefits.  My experience at Life Source contributed to my current anxiety disorder. Also I mentioned for some strange reason to my supervisor that I had been diagnosed as Bi-Polar 1. The supervisor did not keep this info candid, and told my peers. Fellow drivers. I could have totally sued Life Source for this. I did not.

Ganged up by many people

There were also incidents in the past where I felt  I was ganged up on by many people. Harassed etc. It was a strange time, and I feel that his harassment also has contributed to my Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am literally crippled each morning with intense anxiety and I can’t seem to do anything. Almost every morning this takes place. So I simply gave up on getting back in the work force and decided a year and a half ago to file for my Social Security disability. For a person with a mental disorder, it makes dealing with various co-workers more difficult.

Filing for disability

Currently there is a law firm in Chic ago working with me. My claim currently has been rejected twice by Social Security. I will now go before a judge via phone. I have all the notes, over 13 years of them. Its crazy that they keep rejecting me. I am not making my mental issues up. So I wait. In the mean time I keep busy with my photography and photo editing. Building websites that never benefit me financially. I never get any feed back on my sites. Its depressing, I feel I have a good  body of work.

Low self-esteem

Also I have a low self-esteem. That does not help matters. I am critical of my weight and appearance . So that is mainly what is going on with me. I hope to have this Social Security hearing in 5-7 months. I hope I win, then I can at least have some financial security. Also I would not have to worry about having to purchase healthcare. That would be a big relief for me and my family.

 

 

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