Average nobody

I am an average nobody

I had dreams when I was younger. Back then I was young, physically active and good looking. I did not have a care in the world. I had the potential to be anything I wanted to be. I wasted my youth. I missed out on lots of things. Now, I am a fat, balding and ugly old man. I pretty much suck. I am pretty much a nobody. I never achieved anything of importance. I focused so much energy in photography and graphic design. I never had a successful career at it. I tried and tried to get hired by larger companies. My resumes always disappeared in the system. Of the small time employers that did employ me, I have often never gotten paid or pretty much stiffed on payment. This is why I stopped trying to get into a graphic design or photography position. It was mis treatment of crappy employers.

My mental health

I always had mental issues growing up. I have had decades of psych notes taken on me. Back in 2000 I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar 1 with psychosis. I have been in psych wards about 7 times in my life. Mentally I am a very sensitive person. I think thats why I was never good at job interviews. Its May of 2024 today. Over 4 years ago, I decided to just stop trying to get a good graphic design or photography position. I just gave up. I decided to apply for my Social Security Disability.  I have worked enough shitty, small time and bad jobs since 1988. I am done! My Social Security claim has been denied 2 times since. My case went into Federal court, they ruled that I should get another chance and sent my case back to the Social Security judge. I await my last chance with this claim in on June 6th. I really hope I get my Social Security Disability this time.

I have had issues with certain people in my past

I had issues with certain people (whom which I have no idea who). I have been the target of harassment, and stupid psychological tricks and  games in public. Tricks that were designed to make me feel bad about myself and uncomfortable. The harassment was pretty much not fair. I did not know who was harassing me, and I already am weak mentally. So it was totally not fair what people were doing to me. I suppose they did try to reach out to me the last time at Ingalls group in a friendly manner.  I suppose I messed that connection up. So it is what it is now. I keep thinking that maybe someone would reach out just one more time to me maybe at the library that I go to on Fridays and other times in the week. But I think  I am on my own now.

Social media exposure

I used to post my photography on Twitter and Facebook. I still do post on Twitter. My Twitter nick is @ChrisTrottArt . However I think that social media is dead. I post my photography on Twitter but no feed back or any exposure. I think the only real accounts on social media are people who are already rich and famous. I still maintain this website, but its a joke. I get no interaction from this website either. I doubt anyone really reads anything on here. Then again, I will continue to write on this website because it’s mine, I built it and I own it. No one can censor me on this website.  Writing my thoughts out does help me mentally though. I also have maybe improved my writing skills.